The
beatings grew more intense and they happened more frequently, even in front of
the kids. I prayed and asked God for a sign, something.
Then one night the police locked him up for domestic violence, he spent the night behind bars, it was the sign I had prayed for. I took my kids and got out!
- Sara* (one of the respondents I interviewed, name changed to protect identity).
Then one night the police locked him up for domestic violence, he spent the night behind bars, it was the sign I had prayed for. I took my kids and got out!
- Sara* (one of the respondents I interviewed, name changed to protect identity).
“What did you do to him, what did you say that made
him angry?” her mother – in law chided as she slid the dark glasses from her
face. Her swollen eye throbbed and her broken finger was bandaged, she had done
nothing, but she had burnt the food by mistake. Nothing that deserved the
beating he had given her, right before he left and yet there was no one, no one
who would take her side. The piece of paper the police had handed to her right
after she gave her statement, was flimsy in comparison with what he could do to
her if he ever saw her again. This is the life that many women and many men
live with every day and the outer wounds are testimony of the inner pain and
death that they have grown accustomed to living with. While many studies focus
solely on the abuse of women, the growing trend of abused men is becoming more
and more apparent.
The
growing number of men who are being abused and beaten by their
wives is growing.
I have often sat in my office and listened to the testimonies of men who are being abused,
they rarely lay a charge, they feel too ashamed, who would
believe them and what would others say if they knew?
- Warrant Officer at a Cape Town Police Station
wives is growing.
I have often sat in my office and listened to the testimonies of men who are being abused,
they rarely lay a charge, they feel too ashamed, who would
believe them and what would others say if they knew?
- Warrant Officer at a Cape Town Police Station
According to the Middlesex-London health unit[1],
physical abuse is any unnecessary or unwanted physical contact caused by
another person resulting in bodily harm, discomfort and or injury this includes
hitting, slapping, choking etc. The physical signs of abuse are broken bones,
burns, stab wounds, concussions, perforated ear drums, loss of hair, chronic stomach
or bowel pain or discomfort, chronic joint or muscle pain, palpitations,
firearm wounds, bruises, cuts or abrasions, bites, sprains, chipped or lost
teeth, internal injuries, chronic headache, high blood pressure or a detached
retina, in some cases substance abuse problems may occur (in the life of the
victim). Physical abuse is therefore defined as any type of behaviour that
inflicts an injury or wound, in some cases a victim is beaten to death, in
South Africa this occurs every 6 hours. In America, 3 women are killed daily at
the hands of their intimate partners. The number of American troops killed in
Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488.[2] The number of American
women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that time was 11,766. That's nearly double the amount
of casualties lost during war. For survivors, physical abuse is both
humiliating and debilitating spiritually, mentally, cognitively and
emotionally.
Post – traumatic stress, emotional and physical pain, anxiety and fear often plagues the lives of survivors or victims of physical abuse.
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and
I will give you rest.” (Matthew
11:28 NLT) For survivors of trauma like abuse, trust is often fragmented deeply
within the spirit and often, survivors of abuse are further victimised by their
families, the criminal justice system and too often by the church. Nurture,
care, concern and sincere Godly love from the spiritual body of Christ for the
hurting is something we should make a priority in our churches. In our
churches, from our pulpits we need to condemn acts of abuse and violence,
holding perpetrators accountable and helping both the hurting and the broken
find healing in Jesus Christ.
Last year our ministry hosted a women abuse conference
during the 16 days of activism and as I got up to speak, God spoke so clearly
to me that I began to cry. He said, “my
child, you know why I can understand abuse? Because I have been abused, you
know why I can understand a disloyal spouse and what it means to be hurt when
you have given everything? Because I have been the abused Lover, the Loving
Husband wounded and broken.” To my fellow brother or sister who is caught
in the confused and hurting cycle of abuse, I want to tell you today that God
knows what abuse feels like. He feels that pain every time you are struck,
every time you are broken and wounded and He has a greater life for you. You
may not feel it now, but it is true. Jesus carried the cross for your healing,
for your destiny and you deserve more than this, may you find the courage to
get out and to live a life uniquely and solely designed for you.
Fellow brothers and sisters who are pastors or elders
in your church, I was once asked by a fellow pastor what to do about the abuse
in his church? It’s time that we arise to do more than sit in silence. Many
churches are speaking out against abuse and many churches are starting programs
to help rehabilitate perpetrators of violence and to end the violence hiding in
their pews. Good support systems are key to helping survivors of abuse, the
church should be part of that support system, educate your members on abuse and
how to help others.
Prayer
Father
God we lift up our hurting brothers and sisters to you today and we ask that
You would shelter them Father, heal them and help them believe in the greater
life of destiny that You have for them. Help us be people who love, help us
stand for truth in our churches, help us help the hurting, nurture the broken
and condemn injustice and unrighteousness. Father, we pray this evening to be
change makers, to be peace makers in this world of chaos and confusion. Tonight
we pray for those caught in the web of abuse the light of Jesus shine in their
lives and set them free. Amen
[1]London-Middlesex
Health Unit, Woman abuse, 9 August
2004. Date accessed 02 June 2011, http://www.healthunit.com/article.aspx?ID=10713
[2]
Huffington Post, 30 shocking domestic
violence statistics that remind us it’s an epidemic., 23 October 2014. Date
accessed 3 October 2015, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html
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