It has been said that, you are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. For some people, setting goals comes naturally. In the world of list - lovers and doers, goals are the air they breath. The wind beneath their wings, the milk in their coffee, the shade on a hot summers day (do I go too far!), well sure goals are pretty much normal to some. But not for me.
I've become good at dreams, (although this took time as well) but as a teenager and a university student, I pushed myself too hard. Trying to achieve goals that were birthed in perfectionism meant that I developed scalp rash, twitching eye, scalp peeling and was prone to emotional outbursts. I no longer carry the fear based perfectionism around, God healed my wounded soul of the baggage I carried (for perfectionism is always rooted in fear) and I am recovered. Yet, I no longer made goals. They reminded me too much of what I had left behind. So when I stumbled on the 52 Lists project a few months ago, I was intrigued.
I grabbed hold of the fun exercise and immediately felt how the Holy Spirit was leading me in my journey with writing lists. It is absolutely enjoyable and completely a gift of ministering, or at least I experienced it as such. It was and continues to be delightful. I have gone so far as to develop some of my own lists, writing down my favourite quotes speaks to me about who I am and what I feel is inspirational. My favourite movies are fun to write about, my favourite memories, foods, songs, books, how can this not be fun! But when I finally got to "list your current & future goals and dreams." I sat there, blank stare. What!
I felt Abba Father tell me "share your heart with me, tell me about your dreams and goals, I want to hear them." Tenderly, like a Good Shepherd and a Gentle Lover, He kept affirming me as struggled to write my current goals and dreams. I knew He wanted to hear them, just like the time He nudged me to ask for french fries (you have to read about that over here - Remember those Fries?)
It was both scary, and deeply sacred to sit and right about my goals and dreams. Once I finished writing this list, I wrote a prayer with it, dated it February 2016 and closed the book.
I thought about that list often and knew that much of what I wrote down was actually sitting inside of me. My goals are very much a part of my humanness, it is not something I am writing down fearfully anymore, rather because I am redeemed and set free by the Blood of my Messiah and I only want to dream His dreams for my life, I find that my goals and dreams reflect His dreams for me. My goals themslves have taken on a different form, my goals are in themselves redeemed. This week I felt to pull out my book from the cupboard shelf and have a look at my dreams and goals again, so as to think about my new dreams and goals. I was amazed at how so many of them God truly fulfilled! I will share four of them that were amazing, a lot of them are personal and not up for sharing!
- Have enough money to pay for my own bridesmaid dress for my brothers wedding (it was so short notice this wedding, I had no idea what to do! But God took care of it.)
- To settle some of my debt (Done! A Huge miracle!)
- To finish the movie script I was commissioned for (Done!)
- I think I would like to be an aunt, so my brother and his wife should have a kid (They having a kid end of December, how's that for dream fulfilment!)
I am reminded of this absolute truth, how there is no fear in perfect love and how this truth exists in every part of our lives as we yield to Him. Our dreams are stain glass windows of His hearts desire for our life, shining richly coloured light all across the landscape of this earth, changing first our own walks and then the walks of others. And oh how grateful I am, for such a Love......