Joining the conversation at Velvet Ashes .It's been a hard week, yeah so we all get them. But add it to the expectant hope of breakthrough and the very hard few months before, it kind of gets tough. Ministry or mission work is not something to just jump in to, it's a deep commitment. Sometimes its a commitment not only to help people you dont know or to give hope to the hurting or broken, but its a commitment to sometimes not having money, to not having it all together and to sometimes, falling apart.
This afternoon I was sharing my present feelings with my hubby, about some discoveries I am making on my present journey into trying to hold on to my sanity and trying to not to grow hopeless. I must laugh as he told me, imagine how hopeless Paul felt when he was under house arrest for 2 years. Imagine how he felt when he longed to visit a particular congregation to encourage them and then he died before he could get there!
I have no idea how that was suppose to be encouraging, haha but that's also why my hubby is not a counsellor but he does try his best. His answer did not discourage me at all, in fact it was rather funny. But in it all I realised how sometimes its a human reality to think that no one can understand what you are facing or understand how you are feeling. In essence they cannot and sometimes in the silence of loneliness with those feelings, it can feel like God doesnt understand either. But He does and there is some comfort in that.
Having been called out of active service and not doing active missionary work (last year we were in Ghana! and we were teaching, preaching!) we can only rely on God's will to lead us in this very strange wilderness. Where everything is stretched, faith, life, finances, friendships and hope. In the isolation it is easy to lose sanity - and it's okay. It's tough, yes, I said it but that doesnt mean I'm giving up. It just means that it is and its okay to say so.
So to all my precious family out there who are finding themselves in a similar place, may God give us all the grace and strength to find the meaning in this season and may we not lose the burning fire within to still change the world for the good!