Boy I am such a mess, life has been off the top crazy for about 3 weeks and not in your usual just physical crazy, I am talking about in every way spiritual crazy. It’s not a matter of pride, it’s a matter of saying here I am – I said yes to God and gave my all and buckled up to be on the front lines, that was my choice. But sometimes it gets crazy, it gets mind spinning out of control and I just sit on the floor and say hey – look over here I am a mess. I get there, I get to that point – it’s a good point though because I have been here quite a few times. It’s the point where the kettle is screaming on the stove because it’s really hot and then someone goes and turns the switch off and its finally relieved. That’s where I am at, ah breathe out and breathe in – messy messy right here. I sit with it and its okay, it’s okay to read those Psalms that keep on asking, that keep on whispering “Father where are you?” The strange thing about silence is that it’s so quiet and you know what it’s okay because in Your silence I still feel so loved but I am just really tired of the mess. I want to go to sleep and enjoy the down time, I want to enjoy the sun and have that sense that everything will be okay because inevitably it will. At the same time, I am in the boat and riding the storm and somehow I am okay about being here, this is my place for now and you know what it’s tough and I am messy but I am okay with it.